Stroke Archive

When you come back from War. You don’t get airlifted out. You go back mile by mile through terrain you occupied.
This opinion was formed by actual conversation with American soldiers and Firefighters I met who fought the big blazes in Cali since the first memorable Tubbs Fire ‘Coffey Park’ blaze in Santa Rosa in 2017.

At least mentally you replay your battles and the terrain you regained. One soldier and fellow, told me how he went from cleaning up after 911 to fighting Afghanistan.

I’m trying to pitch this to the times we are in and my personal experience. There are a lot of people on this planet who have fought in wars over the last twenty five years. Or who have fought personal mental physical health battles. Some wounds or disabilities are visible. Some aren’t and are afraid we will never get better from what plagues us.

I said, in a previous post: Come with me on a journey. It’s a journey that’s a little difficult to describe, as the part of my brain that was damaged willfully refuses that anything has happened out of the normal.
I remain my 31 year old self in my estimate. Thankfully no longer pregnant 😉 Just a little more chatty.

I have insight from having gone from completely paralyzed from a stroke, to doing second year STEM courses at College. ( I also run a small business but my Imposter Syndrome won’t allow me to credit this.) I use the part of my brain in which the functions are deleteriously compromised to progress further in life, After having gone to War. Having gone to HELL.
It looked a little odd from the outside. I caused some loved ones some pain in my recovery. But the head count is sound, and we are more compassionate for life experience.

Here is what I have to say today.



There is nothing that can’t be achieved with the Personal attributes of confidence and focused attention. In the context of Community and Medication Assistance where indicated.
I have formulated this based on lived experience. Our abilities are not so limited at this point in evolution. We can no longer swing through trees but we could do this if we wanted to, in theory with prosthetics.
I was at my local gym recently . A guy got down off the treadmill next to me and when he raised his pant leg, it was only then I could see he had a prosthetic lower leg. He could run faster than me.

Despite the Global Gloom, we are in an age of wonders. It just requires your willful application to bring about an outcome.

And this is where the human condition steps in and stops us reaching our potential. It’s easy to pass the buck. Opt out. Max out our Buffer Time on the Lower Decks.
If you make that decision to stay in the game. Push at the feeling in the mind whenever you have a creative idea. I have that all the time. That feeling is the feeling of the mind “Proofing a Concept”. If you got this far in your mind, the Intelligent part of your Consciousness already knows it can be done.
That feeling is your mind ‘proofing’ the idea in a mathematical sense. Step by step. From the kernel to the fully formed outcome. I got that feeling when they told me I couldn’t walk again. I thought, “FU and Watch Me”.

I get that feeling now when I approach a new calculus concept. If you enjoy it and you’re on your meds. It’s probably realistic, so go for it. Conscious effort is then required. Don’t fall off at this stage.
Nothing can Stop You Now.
I can’t ‘wish myself to sing or play piano. Because the requisite abilities and/or interests are not there. But I did now I could walk again. I know which obstacles I can surmount before I have taken one step.
Hopefully one day I can apply this experience and help others.
A single neuron. It doesn’t know it’s a neuron but it does bend to the will of the Higher consciousness:


And. If you don’t change. The system doesn’t change. And nothing changes:

After an investigation lasting over a year, the California Department of Forestry and Fire Protection (Cal Fire) determined that the Tubbs Fire was “caused by a private electrical system adjacent to a residential structure” and that there had been no violations of the state’s Public Resources Code

That was the biggest fire in California’s history that year. Nothing changed and next year, the record was broken by the Camp Fire.

All those battles prepare you for something greater. The ability to bring about meaningful change.
And there is nothing in life more worthwhile than that.

Come with me on a journey. I suffered a traumatic brain injury in 2006. The TBI or stroke, was the result of an arteriovenous malformation where the network of blood vessels servicing the right hemisphere of brain ‘organ’ was entangled. The arterial network was incorrectly connected directly to the venous network in my right Temporal Lobe. I know. Details, right? Most people say they had a stroke and leave it at that! I tease out the specific areas of the brain affected to differentiate the person that is me, Monique, the version that is a collection of the experiences before and after the stroke, that I actually have some influence in shaping, from the more fixed version people think they are.
We tend to think of people as: “The person that is their brain”. A squidgy brick of playdoh encased in a skull with a word hole and two little globes with light receiving irises. Sexy huh? Every part that defines their personality or character is thus fixed by virtue of being somewhat unmalleable. You might challenge me on that. I think that’s what we unconsciously believe and are surprised when people show up differently.
Just keep this in mind if you follow me on this journey.

I have never fallen into the trap of thinking that the blunt force trauma of having a stroke has self-limited me to only taking on what was believed to be within my abilities as defined by the medical profession.
I have never let society tell me I should not take on this role, or that because I am the wrong sex, or too old, or too young.

My journey started when they told me I would never walk or run again.
Last Winter I skied at Tahoe. I’m working on running.
I just finished a Semester studying math and General Chemistry. I intend to study either parietal lobe dysfunction, or AI. I haven’t decided yet. I’m a writer, a volunteer and a mother. When I have down time I play around with Python as that is the programming language used by neuroscientists for data analysis. Or I game. Clearing out dungeons or Civilizatio,n if you’re wondering, waiting for the Overwatch release.
I eased back into my education by studying to be a vet tech.
After all these years after the stroke, I finally got a proper diagnosis for ADHD, a mood disorder and I did some treatments for drugs and alcohol. Liver is fine. Thanks for asking.
That’s my generation. We solve a lot with drugs or alcohol or hard work until it catches up.
The proper pharmacological treatment was essential to stabilize my brain so I could study but this was quite different from the holistic view I now have of myself. I was not my brain, I am my spirit but I was being hampered at every turn until I treated my physiological self.

They told my loved ones I would never talk again.

I may never play the piano again. (Never played it before.)
But there is so much else I can do. Being aware of the points of reflection around which I create my reality, I can take on many challenges and build my own actuality.
Which may eventuality differentiate us from machine anchored intelligence.
(As machines get smarter than us, will they assist us or will they go down their own period of self reflection in evolution?)
But that’s another line of thought. I merely meant to say. Hello world. In all the horror of this year. Throw on a little black dress or a suit and come see what marvels do exist in the world. Like a cute beaver.


Beavers return to London after 400 years. It’s impossible to be without hope when we wake in a universe in which beavers exist. 🙂