Uncategorized Archive

My Son

Following my last post.
I saw my son arraigned in court. I drove into Oakland to the Federal Courthouse @1301 Clay St. St, Oakland. It’s a formidable looking institution:

Donald V Dellums Federal Building Oakland.

It wasn’t very dramatic. I ran late as parking was hard to find. I walked into the Courtroom to find my son at a stand in civvies, (not in oranges or greens), to my surprise:

Why do prisoners wear orange? – Lsleds

My son was then interviewed by Oakland Pre Trial Services following his arraignment. He then appeared in front of the Federal Court Judge who determined his overall culpability and potential for rehabilitation. This is known as a “Detention Hearing”. From here, defendants have the potential path to prison or rehabilitation.

Pre Trial Services:

Pretrial services are programs that consist of officers helping cases get ready for court. Its primary responsibility is to assess a defendant’s risk, suggest terms for release, and supervise defendants freed before trial.

My son has special needs. He is on one hand incredibly bright:
Ozy tested in the top 1.5% of all Junior’s tested across the States in his year. After the testing was released, he received a relentless mailout from all the Colleges who would court him for his attendance as an undergraduate.

But emotionally my son was incredibly vulnerable. He always sought new experiences and was a thrill seeker and was at risk for seeking new experiences via drug consumption. Legal and otherwise. But even then, he craved stability. When the stability of Football fell through and he was admitted to hospital with a mass in his hip due to previously undetected hemophilia, Ozy was cast adrift.

He was released from hospital addicted to Oxycontin in 2020. Without a pain reduction plan.
He then was primed to be drawn to opioids.
Opioids are Fake opiates (derivatives of naturally occurring pain killing substances such as opium) manufactured by the Mexican cartels.
They are produced around the clock as the Mexican Cartels work hand in Glove with Chinese Pharmaceutical companies who manufacture the precursors to the Fentanyl pills offshore.
And if anyone wants to dispute the availability and harm of these precursor pills: Don’t be naive. I have picked these up from my son’s bedroom floor following his arrest. Nobody else had access to his room, thank goodness.
If the drugs were readily available in our house where we were just bent on bringing up a family properly; you can see how drugs are readily available in every American suburb.
Bioavailability of Opioids in the Middle Class American home is an industry that many shady operators have an interest in maintaining.
Cartel members along with corrupt members of our local law enforcement agencies ensure a thriving drug trade in our suburbs.

Why? I use the clotheslines analogy. Everyone in the drug trade has got comfortable being pinned to a clothesline.
As long as the tension across the line is maintained then every agent in the lineup gets dried appropriately:
Kickbacks, schemes, and oversight of the system is kept current and mutual without judicial oversight.

And God forbid, attention gets drawn to the drug trade in the neighborhood with an overdose. A death. A DEA warranted investigation.
All the parts begin moving and individuals such as my son are culled and detached from the interwoven fabric of Cartel Supply and suburban demand where elements in the enforcement agencies are covering to maintain the status quo.

The Government’s agencies might have buried my son in the prison system but the root cause of Northern Californian Opioid supply and demand is never addressed by targeting the bottom feeders. It protects those who would seek to profit from the continued drug trade:

Make those like my son an outlier. Deem him a drug dealer. Send him to prison My son wasn’t a dealer in the way the cartels, addict, recruit and deal. My son was a drug user with an incredibly high tolerance for his drug of choice.
My son was targeted and addicted in the suburbs. By the cartels and the lack of probity by the law enforcement agencies, alike.
The last thing I said to him on his admittance into Court ordered Treatment, was: ” I love you Ozy. If youare good. you will come good”.

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I’m, about as stressed as it’s possible to get in the circumstances.
I’m not at liberty to disclose much of the situation:

My oldest son’s past is about to catch up with him. He will make an appearance in Oakland Federal Court tomorrow:
If you know his name or have basic search skills my son will pop up having been detained and charged by the DEA for possession of opioids with intent to supply.
I am not saying my son is a good kid.
Given the charges. (Although many will vouch for him as such)
I’m not about to bleat on about how my child will be mistreated by all the law enforcement agencies he will encounter hence forthwith.

I am reasonably assured that my son will be treated justly by the Federal Court system and likely be beaten on occasion.
This I estimate will be the likelihood, based on his treatment the first time transiting through Santa Clara County Jail.
If my son’s testimony of being beaten is correct and based on interviews with those who have witnessed inmates’ conditions at sister facilities throughout the U.S.
If you wish to contact me with further privileged information on the maltreatment of inmates:
My email address is Monique@orcs2elves.com.

I am a ditzy and harassed Mother and Blogger who has the knack for being precisely in the right place at the wrong time. 🙂

I have been trying to get sufficient treatment for my son since he was first searched and detained for possession of drugs in 2022.
Ozy (my son) was originally addicted to opioids during a six week stay during preeminent medical facility, I.E: The Lucille Packard Children’s Hospital. San Jose.
The hospital did nothing to un-addict my then sixteen-year-old son who was at high risk of addiction after an episode of teenage psychosis. Not-uncommon apparently during high use Screen time and then Covid isolation.
There is not a lot in the way of treatment to keep my son out of the path of a drug-oriented lifestyle or get Drugs out of Corrupt California where Departmental backhanding is rife.
If not in the way of outright corruption (where money changes hands in order to secure an interrupted Supply Chain) but more a series of re-appointments where one Department says: “You’re, okay: “I’m, Okay,” as, if to keep the drug inhabitants fed and a steady stream of victims in a drugged-out haze, jonesing for their next fix of increasingly lethal narcotics and oblivious to the deaths of friends around them.
Try to get out: It’s nigh on impossible.
Nothing is available in the way of an all-approach modality (Mental, Spiritual and Occupational) that doesn’t dehumanize; victim-blame or plot an adequate long-term path to recovery tailored to the individual’s capacity to take on work or study to give the individual purpose.
I knew one woman who was on the streets for seven years.
For that length of time, she made her way by boosting (shoplifting) or living with others who had otherwise staked a claim.
She is now a well woman and has reconciled with her parents and is a parent.
(As if being a parent is the ultimate arbiter of mental fitness. 🙂 )
Centering the recovery around employment or future prospects is an option that appears to be invisible.

N.B. The use of Suboxone or the monthly injection Sublocade that quells the desire to go back to Opioids is not used in many treatment centers.

ALSO: Preventing the path to Wellness for Vulnerable individuals
London Breed: The mayor of San Francisco is undoubtably culpable.
She cannot apparently clean up the streets for our children. Although she of course could, a mayoral decree of no tolerance for pushing drugs combined with a path to rehabilitation for dealers and users; is well within her mayoral oversight.
The worst of the worst of our officials, let our children die and facilitate the deaths of those round them.

I mean:

What a hardened player: Breed is saying:

Don’t be mean to a color of choice even though another gang of choice (Hondurans) is Mopping up the streets with their hard Sales Activities. Leaving a superfluity of corpses in their wake. Back. Hispanic. White. (My son knows this}

You Know it.
I know it.
And all the while we all turn a blind eye.

Kids Are Dying

My son is not an agent. He does not sell drugs to supply and kill. Though he knows who does.
He says he is afraid for his life and has expressed fear for our lives if he discloses any upstream dealer.

These agents. These Merchants of Death are letting. drugs though a porous Border.
Every border country apart from California is demanding the Borders be closed.
The Army of Drug Mules on our Southern Border is overwhelming our teens.
And tomorrow when I turn up to Oakland Federal Court, I get to feel like a fucking idiot and a failure as a parent. But not culpable for letting my son fall in the Crossfire of the U.S Drug War that is demonstrably corrupt and Ongoing.

I can only pray that the State of California and the Justice system of the U.S.A. has the wherewithal and programmes to rehabilitate AND not punish him.

There is a photo of my son: (to be posted here, after his dealings with the Justice System.}
He looks like any other healthy glowing Junior. He loved playing football and was a big supporter of me when I was dealing with my own mental health ‘trials’.

My son as a healthy Junior

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Hot on the heels of my previous escapade, (read the summary below) I was disturbed to read about Nicola Bulley.

Nicola Bulley was the UK woman who went for a walk and disappeared.
The local PD: the Lancashire cops revealed she had been dealing with menopausal issues such as brain fog and alcohol consumption.

This was an unbelievably sexist public reveal about Bulley’s disappearance: Men drink to deal with stress and seem to have culturally acceptable mid-life crises.
Women walk and daydream to deal with mid life stressors, but this is deemed Craazy.

How do I relate?

On Christmas Day 2022, I went for a walk alone.
I didn’t go further than half a mile from my house. All the paths I took were well lit.
I merely went for a post-Christmas dinner stroll to look at the lights on the houses surrounding and reflect on the walks I used to take with my Nana who I spent a lot of time with when
I was growing up. A lot of the time we would walk around the local gardens.

I didn’t ask my family to come with me on this post-prandial walk:
For Halloween 2022 I had bought five tickets to Pirates of Emerson (A local annual Halloween festival) for the younger children and I; but nobody wanted to come.
The Sprogs were all engrossed in gaming.
My husband had no appetite for my company, as opposed to golf as apropos of men’s mid-life pursuits, so by now, I was used to my own company.

So off I went on an early Christmas evening walk. I sat in the park for a while and daydreamed as I walked.
I planned Christmas lights on our house for next year though my husband disagreed on the cost as we did so much other everyday matters these days.
And as I approached my house, on returning from my walk, there were flashing lights and all the local constabulary outside.
I worried something had happened to my oldest son who had been grappling with a fentanyl addiction.

But no. My husband had called the cops because, I, a sane and quite well woman otherwise, at least for the past three years had taken a walk and he had lost track of me.
Apparently, I was acting out of character. No one in the house wanted to keep my company but as soon as I couldn’t be found: The local law enforcement was called out.

I reassured the cops. (The cops and I were starting to have quite the ongoing causal relationship btw 🙂 They were the same ones as had been called to my previous escapade. See previous blog post.
“No. I had just walked out on my own”. “One hour forty mins prior. A Christmas evening walk, everyone else in the house seemed to be occupied and I was quite fit and well, so I left”.
“I am a grown adult, after all.”
The cops left.

The escapade I refer to is linked here:

I previously I took my top off and dodged into a Neighbour’s back yard for some sun. I was acting in both a devil-may-care capacity and a journalistic capacity.
Having just reached the age where DILLIGAF? was becoming a modus vivendi.
An attitude becoming more well-homed in this state of grift and self-advancement: CA
I still had the same nose for a story even if it was for my own digestion and those if my friends.
Like generations of women before, I was starting to realize that Menopausal or post Breeding Aged Women were treated as a danger or a Liability to society.
We are sidelined and typecast as Librarians. Metaphorically Burned through Divorce proceedings or incarcerated/institutionalized as Witches)
I was interested in how I might be treated as an intelligent personable female, (White), with a couple of mental health diagnoses that I did not agree with and could be held against me if I acted ‘quirky’.

The outcome to my previous sojourn: The legal response was WAY overdone.

My own psychiatrist pathologized me and my Counsellor, the one person knowing the stress I was under had a laugh with me.

And then, when I took an innocent stroll on Christmas Day 2022. I was reported as missing.
Not even two hours had passed!

Nicola Bulley’s body has now been found and as she was on a work call and fully functioning, it seems she may have experienced a medical, not a peri-menopausal event.
Was there really a need to cast shade or victim blame Bulley from the outset?

The Lancashire PD have much to answer for, as do the close family of Bulley who provided the PD with the personal details that were disclosed to the public.
Who cast Bulley as a hormonal alcoholic when all the evidence suggests she was fully functioning in the prime of her life?

PS: WTF is brain fog?
I’m always foggy until I have coffee and thereafter, I’m all good until sundown. Sounds like a way for psychiatrists to grift off our ovaries to me.

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Following the #Twitterfiles release, I digested a TwitterSpace where Kim Dotcom and others hosted and Elon Musk spoke. These are the main takeaways from before Elon spoke: (Everyone knows more or less what the intrepid billionaire has to say as he has made himself available to a gazillion followers who are either praise or condemn him depending on their interpretation of his character:

The Blind men and the Elephant. a Folk tale.

That was interesting. I get it. We don’t know all facets of a person unless we know them intimately. We can’t use that to prejudge the info dump.

But we do know Elon Musk released important info re suppressed information that a large chunk of the population has an interest in. Was This a good thing?

I am going to place the dots as to why #Twitterfiles is so important at this point in the game, and you can pace join them. The Hosts of the Dotcom/Musk TwitterSpace made the following points

1.) If you ask a random sample of people: “Do you trust the Government?”. An overwhelming majority will say, “no”!
Or Fuck no”.
A large portion of those same people will trust, and even express trust in the media’s interpretation of the Government’s policies.

This is a huge vulnerability! If we believe with all cause that the Government essentially cheats and withholds we want to have the information decide when to call our public servants out But we are inclined to be influenced by the media. Then all the Government has to do is infiltrate, fund or become the media. Or all three.
Conclusion. We can no longer trust legacy media. We need to have alternate news sources.

2.) Can we trust that Governments don’t play the Social media game?
It is now obvious, though those of us who knew what to look for, suspected, that Governments of the world are manipulating the public discourse via social media.
BTW you can use a service like Thunderclap or Crowdspeaking to amplify its message (This particular iteration has shut down).

What if, instead of being used a tool for organisations to get word out there. It is a tool commandeered by the Government! It’s a propaganda speakerphone.

Here’s a possible example of a disseminated Governmental Directive. : “The Unvaccinated are unclean. They don’t deserve to hold down jobs like you hardworking people. They shouldnt even be seen in cafes.”
Worst kept secret in the world: The New Zealand Government was able to exile a million expats and prevent unvaccinated from accessing jobs, healthcare and other public services durimg the last two years.

Jacinda Ardern the Chief Policy Executioner, directed this incredibly hostile, inhumane and dehumanizing approach to addressing Covid.

No-one stood up to her as she had numbers on her side. How many of them were real voices?
(I don’t really dislike anyone but when I do, they are bullies.)

Moving right along.
So, what! It’s just a game and someone’s gotta run the show even if some people are unhappy!

3.) “Are you sure our elected representatives are running the show and doing their best to implement policies from their platform”?

“What would be the signs that this wasn’t the case?”

Overreach and people getting hurt or ending up in jail on charges later thrown out or with sentences disproportionate to their actions. Particularly in the case of journalists or whistleblowers.

IE: Didya hear about the one where a couple got jailed for not following Health Department directives, but violent crimes go unpenalized?

Watch for that phenomenon!

Situations where individuals are made an example of!
Individuals are thrown under the bus to show that speaking out or acting out of turn is dangerous. The first amendment is disregarded. Trampled on. Result: A compliant population.
Most people will be aware of the plight of Publisher Julian Assange. Journalists and whistleblowers have historically been punished for highlighting over-reach by Departments that contravene individual or group rights. In the pursuit for justice or protection of society.
That trained and professional breed; Journalists are generally protected, but it is labelled criminal espionage or treason to publish stuff that embarrasses these Departments.


This phenomenon of killing the messenger happened after the Korean War; In the pursuit of answers around the Vietnam War and showing the world what happens after nuke deployment.

That last: Photography of bombed Hiroshima by Australian journalist; Wilfred Burchett made the world a safer place. Never again will nukes be deployed with impunity thanks to his incredibly dangerous photojournalism.

(History has repeated. Australian journalist Assange is imprisoned because Governments and Security Services of three different nations have been complicit in silencing him.)

Even if you are a citizen of another country, you are not necessarily immune from prosecution once free speech has been criminalized.

This Media/Security Services and Governmental sandwich has now been exposed in the TwitterFiles Dump, Part 1.

Let’s get on the same team here, folks. It appears the dump was a good move as it exposed how dismissive and arrogant, all of those three agencies are when they collude.

I wonder what else is out there waiting to be freed?


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I was a customer of the mental health industry for a time in the last decade. It has been useful to tease out emotional and/or intellectual conditions. I explored mood disorders, OCD related thinking and addiction. I have taken something useful from each fresh foray. Some of it was uncomfortable, especially when I became dependent on alcohol and other substances. I was hauled around by my biology. and not able to snap out of the cycle.
(I probably have a neurochemical predisposition to enjoying alcohol to relieve anxiety.)
During this period: I had unexpected and scary medical consequences.

I let people down but did little measurable harm and for this, I quite frankly was subjected to barbaric old-fashioned treatment. Even in this day and age.

Long story short: (This is not meant to be a downer.)
I came out the other side and became slowly aware that despite my best efforts. I was still being pathologized.
I was, in short, a danger to myself and the well-being of others in the eyes of others. This was obvious in encounters with a few but not all friends, family and my doctors.
Despite the evidence to the contrary: Dealing with high stress situations such as relocating my son to get him out of the grip of opioids. Performing well in STEM classes at college. People who I trusted would question my mood. I could sense hidden agendas. Maybe they were motivated by effort to help me but to do that they still needed a patient.

I reduced my medication and things only got better.
My psychiatrist was still keen to medicate me to her max ideal. I made the appropriate noise and went down on the gazillion medications I was on. Responsibly.

Aside from craving pot for the first time in years I could sense no side effects and my thinking got clearer. I could see that I was slogging away at college for no good reason than to prove myself.
(I do love the subjects I was doing but it’s a heavy workload with everything else.) And that’s my other gripe. I’m capable of learning to the fullest extent of the subject material. But I have a disability, Information Processing.
I can’t perform in exams as I don’t have decent recall. I have to story information in different parts of my brain than I used to. And College is the ablest environment ever, I would say from my time there.
It sets the non-disabled up for suicide and chronic, lifelong mental health disorders.

seeing the Light

(NB: Here is where the adventure starts. )

I was contemplating this one day, when my situation collapsed into my truth. I was clearing the mailbox one morning and it hit me. Literally. I stood there. Soaked up the early morning sunshine. And then made a decision to go with my truth from now on. With a little help from my real friends.

Driving later the humor hit me. If I didn’t care so much about what others thought of me, I would be impenetrable and have fun with this premise. 🙂

Slightly later I was musing, about the medication I was about to go off and any side effects. Lithium is one to be especially careful of: Lithium. It’s the herpes of antipsychotic medication : ) Noone wants to admit they’re on it. Even though it’s merely an element! It can be both benign and powerful though.
A thought popped unbidden into my mind: “Watch out for paranoia”.

“Fear”, that most egregious of vices on the human mind is never far away. Then I chuckled: as I remembered the old saying: “What if someone really were following me”.

Then I felt like a smoke, so I went up a side street one of my Preschool Mom friends lived. There were no cars. It looked like everyone was at work, so I just parked and smoked my Marlboro.

It was hot so when I got back in the car, I took off my top. I can track my thinking here, but I won’t recount. There are too many thoughts involved but the long and the short of it:
I took my top completely off and sat in the car topless. Then I decided to get out of my car, and I wandered into my friends back yard like, you know: A “free”, person. From memory, my friend had a beautiful garden.

I thought to myself: “she’s either going to be at home or I’ll get in trouble. :)”

There were two dogs in the garden, but they seemed to remember me. So, I sat. Comfortable. I’m in good shape and not particularly modest.

Oh, but that’s when it got interesting. I realised I’d got the wrong garden. (Possibly the wrong street.) And at the same time, four cops walked into my vision. I smirked and went with it. Let’s see how they dealt with a half-naked women sitting in a stranger’s garden in an affluential city. Best case scenario, they’d inform me good naturedly that I was out of place and give me some privacy while I retreated. I’m not very threatening except for my razor-sharp wits 🙂

But no:

They ran me. Instead of just asking me to leave and telling me I made a dick of myself.
They went through as many records as they could access to get a picture of my history. And then everybody was invited to the party. My doctor. The last hospital I was in. My husband. Ugh.
This could either be a mess or a Pop-Up party.
I went with the party option,

By now, I was smirking from behind the pillow the nicest cop had thrown at me. They told me the ambulance was on its way. “Choice”, I thought.

This is like a who’s who of attendees of Hen’s Night characters. by this stage. 🙂

They couldn’t have held me without my permission (but oh yes, they could have as events can get out of control if you don’t comply) so I played helpless and acquiesced to going to the local hospital for a mental health check-up.

The ambo was nice; easy on the eye and solicitous and so I prepared for a few hours off in the ministrations of the healthcare system.

Everybody had decided without even talking to me, I’d lost the plot because of stopping medication. Do you SEE this?

Everybody who knows me, knows I am completely stable. I have a goofy sense of humor. No-one apart from a couple of professionals and family knows I took meds. But instead of asking to speak to me, they decided I had become a nuisance to the day to day. Needed to be looked after. 😉

I love being looked after, as it is only getting away from those in my care that I get that experience.
So, I muttered something about stopping Lithium and prepared to watch those who I interacted with over the next few hours. And off to John Muir I was sent.
I trotted out the necessary platitudes:
” Yes, I was topless in a strangers’ garden.’
Lithium. Stopped that. (Six months ago. No-one noticed. )
” yada, yada. I’ll talk to my doctor.”

Nobody at the hospital wanted to keep me. They were triaging continuously. Even so, I sat there from approx 1pm until 7.30pm that night.


It’s that easy to get put into care. And the system does not move you on. Your doctor and loved ones won’t necessarily advocate for you. This is the systemic gaslighting of mental health patients at work.

The professionals treating me could tell I wasn’t a ‘risk’. To test my theory that I was impenetrable, I did one more half naked streak down the hallway. 🙂

Guess what!
I got stopped and ushered back before I reached the roof, but they didn’t even remember I was the same patient unless they looked at my chart. I told them I had thought I was going into the bathroom to get changed.

Eventually I got out. I had succeeded in my undercover, psyche patient mission. I got to hang my headlights out twice in one day and essentially freed my mind.

That one day! I quit school. I Fired my psychiatrist and therapist and I’m doing it my way from now on. This involves lots of swimming and sunbathing!

I get to go Topless in CA!

I will winter like this!

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I have copied and pasted the below passage from Shakespeare’s Politics by Robert Cooper

My commentary at the bottom, which may or may not illuminate. I am online instead of finishing two Chem lab reports.
For those of my thirty loyal readers not in the U.S. 🙂 It is the day before the Mid-Term elections and the air is abuzz.
It’s hard to be focused. Why does it uncork that nervous energy? It’s a heady combination:
Distraction via Social Media and Politics. So instead of being dragged around by my emotions, I look to answers from two reliable sources. Hard Exercise and Shakespeare.

But first, here is an emotions color wheel to help you through the next 72 hours: It’s not easy being green. Or any other color on the spectrum.

Emotion Color Wheel.

“The nearest Shakespeare comes to a lecture on politics is Ulysses’ speech in Troilus and Cressida to the Greek council of war, which is debating how to stop Achilles’ sulking. Ulysses’ theme is that “degree”—authority and hierarchy—is essential for society. Here is Shakespeare’s Politics. A takeout:

“O when degree is shaked,
Which is the ladder of all high designs,
The enterprise is sick. How could communities,
Degrees in schools, and brotherhoods in cities,
Peaceful commerce from dividable shores,
The primogeniture and due of birth,
Prerogative of age, crowns, sceptres laurels,
But by degree stand in authentic place?

Shakespeare’s Politics: Robert Cooper
The American Interest
Appeared in: Volume 13, Number 1 | Published on: June 20, 2017

This view was common in Elizabethan world: an order based on natural harmony, sometimes compared to the cosmic order, was necessary for all social organization. Reciprocal obligation binds people together as cosmic forces bind the planets. It is this social hierarchy that keeps the peace:

Take but degree away, untune that string,
And hark what discord follows each thing meets
In mere oppugnancy; . . .

Social order in turn provides political order. In Asia this creed is called Confucianism: Order through a system of mutual obligations, reinforced by ceremony. Without the social order conflict would be universal: “Each thing meets in mere oppugnancy.” This, taken to extremes, ends in the war of all against all”

how does this help us in 2022: In short:

We need the Civil Service to supply the needs of a populace. We need that Civil service to be educated. But education is only as good the people driving the scientific advances with Commerce and recruitment.

Here in America we need oppositional training wheels to understand that the system is finely tuned. There is no ‘Right Way’. We would be better served to engage in debate instead of destructive ad-hominems:
Fallacious attacks on our opponents that degrade the quality of engagement.

And for that folks. Think before you vote. And: Vote early. And Vote Often.

Watch out for douches with pitchforks. Its crazy out there.

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When you come back from War. You don’t get airlifted out. You go back mile by mile through terrain you occupied.
This opinion was formed by actual conversation with American soldiers and Firefighters I met who fought the big blazes in Cali since the first memorable Tubbs Fire ‘Coffey Park’ blaze in Santa Rosa in 2017.

At least mentally you replay your battles and the terrain you regained. One soldier and fellow, told me how he went from cleaning up after 911 to fighting Afghanistan.

I’m trying to pitch this to the times we are in and my personal experience. There are a lot of people on this planet who have fought in wars over the last twenty five years. Or who have fought personal mental physical health battles. Some wounds or disabilities are visible. Some aren’t and are afraid we will never get better from what plagues us.

I said, in a previous post: Come with me on a journey. It’s a journey that’s a little difficult to describe, as the part of my brain that was damaged willfully refuses that anything has happened out of the normal.
I remain my 31 year old self in my estimate. Thankfully no longer pregnant 😉 Just a little more chatty.

I have insight from having gone from completely paralyzed from a stroke, to doing second year STEM courses at College. ( I also run a small business but my Imposter Syndrome won’t allow me to credit this.) I use the part of my brain in which the functions are deleteriously compromised to progress further in life, After having gone to War. Having gone to HELL.
It looked a little odd from the outside. I caused some loved ones some pain in my recovery. But the head count is sound, and we are more compassionate for life experience.

Here is what I have to say today.


There is nothing that can’t be achieved with the Personal attributes of confidence and focused attention. In the context of Community and Medication Assistance where indicated.
I have formulated this based on lived experience. Our abilities are not so limited at this point in evolution. We can no longer swing through trees but we could do this if we wanted to, in theory with prosthetics.
I was at my local gym recently . A guy got down off the treadmill next to me and when he raised his pant leg, it was only then I could see he had a prosthetic lower leg. He could run faster than me.

Despite the Global Gloom, we are in an age of wonders. It just requires your willful application to bring about an outcome.

And this is where the human condition steps in and stops us reaching our potential. It’s easy to pass the buck. Opt out. Max out our Buffer Time on the Lower Decks.
If you make that decision to stay in the game. Push at the feeling in the mind whenever you have a creative idea. I have that all the time. That feeling is the feeling of the mind “Proofing a Concept”. If you got this far in your mind, the Intelligent part of your Consciousness already knows it can be done.
That feeling is your mind ‘proofing’ the idea in a mathematical sense. Step by step. From the kernel to the fully formed outcome. I got that feeling when they told me I couldn’t walk again. I thought, “FU and Watch Me”.

I get that feeling now when I approach a new calculus concept. If you enjoy it and you’re on your meds. It’s probably realistic, so go for it. Conscious effort is then required. Don’t fall off at this stage.
Nothing can Stop You Now.
I can’t ‘wish myself to sing or play piano. Because the requisite abilities and/or interests are not there. But I did now I could walk again. I know which obstacles I can surmount before I have taken one step.
Hopefully one day I can apply this experience and help others.
A single neuron. It doesn’t know it’s a neuron but it does bend to the will of the Higher consciousness:

And. If you don’t change. The system doesn’t change. And nothing changes:

After an investigation lasting over a year, the California Department of Forestry and Fire Protection (Cal Fire) determined that the Tubbs Fire was “caused by a private electrical system adjacent to a residential structure” and that there had been no violations of the state’s Public Resources Code

That was the biggest fire in California’s history that year. Nothing changed and next year, the record was broken by the Camp Fire.

All those battles prepare you for something greater. The ability to bring about meaningful change.
And there is nothing in life more worthwhile than that.

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I outlined in my last post why we may teeter over the brink into a full-scale World War.

Feat. Nuclear Armageddon

It is still not clear if we will see the use of Nuclear Weapons in this campaign of cobbled together motives by Putin to use Ukraine as what looks set to become the World’s latest ethnic cleansing ground.

Is Russia Committing Genocide in Ukraine?

Vlad the Violent says he will use nukes to bring Greater Donbas into the fold and then he says he will again and then he won’t. Biden chided him in a speech last week for this crazymaking showmanship. One can only presume as long as the shock and awe effect paraded to impress his Countrymen is great enough, he won’t.

To the detractors of President of Inflation, Joe Biden. It is much to his credit that the War has come back from a cataclysmic brink, several times. The last time we came close to a direct East/West confrontation was the weekend of October 21st.

You can skip past this if you like. For strategy and wargamers only:
Ukraine accused Russia of laying charges to flood the Dnieper River.
“The Institute for the Study of War, an independent US-based think tank, has suggested Russia is “likely continuing to prepare for a false flag attack” on the Kakhovka hydroelectric plant, by creating “information conditions” for Russian forces to blow up the dam after they pull out of western Kherson and then accuse Ukraine of flooding the river and surrounding settlements.”

This post wasn’t meant to get long but it will if I don’t make this the last play by play: In Summary: Ukraine was closing in on Russian occupied territory around major infrastructure which was a little anxiety provoking if you were watching the terrain and the satellite images in publications. Russia evacuating civilians was counterintuitive and unacceptable.
The dam was under Russian occupation, but Ukrainian forces were closing in. Quite the hothouse for an International Incident.

“President Zelensky said that if the Russians were seriously considering blowing up the Kakhovka dam, it meant they realized they would not merely lose control of Kherson but the entire south including Crimea.”

Putin was intending to blow up the dam as a false flag operation and blame Ukraine. Already accusing Ukraine of firing missiles at the Kakhovka dam. Zelensky alerted world leaders on the Thursday. The financial markets went to **** on the Friday. (Mind you it was also the end of Quarter reporting.)

The World held it’s breath.

Only Russia got caught, and Ukraine troops forced them back in a process known as kettling. (Forcing troops through an inhospitable bottleneck over the Kherson River and then surrounding the Russian Soldiers.)

And here we are again. Another Friday. Another weekend and a similar scenario. Russia has mobilized forces on the right bank and is evacuating civilians.

End of Play.

The point of that. It is fascinating on one level. To the instigator of this affair. It is pawns on a chessboard of their making. Why and what could be more important than loss of large scale human life.

There is nothing. This is insanity coupled with a level of psychopathy. The World doesn’t know how to cope with a situation where a Clever Madman holds the rest of the World to ransom.
I research Crimea and the History of Ukraine:
600 pages of one book, The Global Age, by Ian Kershaw and 500 pages of a WW II doorstopper could give no real insight.
Was this eruption of prolonged engagement wholly cultural in origin? Going back to the Tatars and
Catherine The Great?

Was Putin enraged by the thought of western Culture influencing Russian Culture? That’s why I called this post: “What choo Talkin about Willis?
The thought of a Gary Coleman’s (Diff’rent Strokes) lais-saiz faire quip or Bill Cosby putting furrows down into the culture via Russian Netflix is enough to drive anyone into a state of disrepair.

But it is not that Russia is using Ukraine as a proxy War with America.
This is commonly postulated. (More on that).
It’s as ridiculous as suggesting the same might happen between China and America. China and America may go to War over disputed territory but won’t seek engagement otherwise

My Russian friends might have joked (in the past) how someone Russia has to stand up to American Imperialism. But more with a measure of pride in how strong he Eastern (Russian) Slavic culture is.

What then causes the pustule of aggression from Russia to erupt periodically and how might the flow of poisonous pus of genocidal rampaging be stemmed? (That was bad. I know!
Check back for a removal of mixed metaphors.

It may be that the European Culture has been inadvertently weakened by the formation of the European Union. At a time when Putin feels more threatened.

And Europe and the state of Russia are no longer part of the same Common Federation, as it were. Europe now means just the European Union. Europe used to include Turkey, Britain and to a large extent: Russia was spart of the commonality of vision. This changed.

If this is a playground? And Russia is a bully. All of a sudden: The other kids have greater economic and military ties? While pretending they don’t. They now have a fancy currency and hold War games to run scenarios if you should try dome them unawares? Which you’re planning to by the way. Moldova is skipping around tempting you with her nice little pigtails.
They call the club some fancy assed name (NATO) and invite other kids into the Club.

What does the bully do?

They go fucking ballistic until they’re neutralized. Of course.

And there is another variable in play that the World needs to contend with to have sustained peace in the Playground.

Connectedness. Social Media.


A quick and dirty outtake:

Following Covid, the culture of paranoia that was at one time a groundswell became a surging torrent. All sorts of conspiracy theories multiplied and spread virulently. On any one day you can go down a rabbit hole. As an eavesdropper and enjoying groups; I have watched this churn. I’ve spun the odd bit of silk, myself. Evidently I’m not a convincing conspirator though. No-one bites. But I’ve joined in and rolled around. And noticed that the same people are drawn to popular theories and are hard to dissuade even when presented with evidence.

One of the most ‘attractive’ conspiracy theories is that a privileged few meeting routinely in Davos, Switzerland are attempting to control the world’s political scene and economy, via the World Economic Forum. The WEF. On one hand. If they’re experts in their field and have a lot of power and influence. Of course they are.
On the other hand. if these leaders in their fields are old enough that they have to cover up sunspots and have missed the fallout of the Epstein List, they’re probably annoying do-gooders who enjoy each others company and have theories on how to stall climate inconvenience.
And being as the Up Close won’t be as glamourous. (It is) I have heard unofficially from a member of the Bohemian Club. It’s still not compelling on the proles until put through Democratic Processes. These insiders typically love an inflated Public Service so it would be a Century before any Machiavellian plot got through the bureaucratic agencies.
We should leave them to it. But some people like Hannity and the Fox crew can’t. It winds people up.

Among ourselves, we’ve seen them rant on Facebook. Guys and Gals. And it’s mostly harmless. I relate. We all get our buttons pushed seeing the state of World Affairs and need to Blame an eyeless Body of Untruths.
There are many injustices at the hands of Governments to fuel this. I tell my kids to prepare them for this.
“Systems don’t care. People care. Systems don’t care.”

But just imagine, if you’re a world leader with all-sorts of weapons at your disposal. How crazy would the cesspit of Disinformation drive you? A feeling of being disempowered.?
And the madness lies in the turn of Events in which such a World Leader cannot be neutralized.

Sane people will do anything to prevent the deaths of children. And this can’t seem to happen. We live in an insane World with new media and quandaries.

Go Down the Rabbit Hole Protected.. Don’t add to the confusion.

My opinion on World Affairs was shaped by
The Global Age, by Ian Kershaw -Europe 1950-2017.
A Real Live Book.
And my experience on Social Media.
Enlightened Housewife.
Current Affairs for the confused, the compassionate and the criminal minded.
(News for the Confused.)

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But this success, where is it? The French political philosopher Edgar Quinet coined this phrase.
It’s as relevant now as it was when philosophers first reflected on the French Revolution. Quinet has oft been quoted and the sentiment echoed down the ages.
The artist with regards to earthshattering events and the public servant of today in predictive mode both grapple with the autarchic mindset:
To understand that which affixes assertion and action. Connects claims and crimes:

The single line comes from the following full paragraph:

“The persistent illusion of the terrorists is to invoke a success in order to justify themselves before posterity. In effect, only the success can absolve them. But this success, where is it? The terrorists devoured by the scaffolds that they themselves erected, the Republic not only lost but rendered execrable, the political counter-Revolution victorious, despotism in place of the liberty for which a whole nation swore to die: is that success? How long will you go on repeating this strange nonsense, that all the scaffolds were necessary to save the Revolution, which was not saved.”

And thus we can sympathize with the terrible dilemma Putin now finds himself in. You can’t make an omelette without cracking a number of eggs but how does one know, then, when to stop cracking eggs?

One must then have a keen acute awareness of the concept of satiety directing one’s aspect, demeanor and decisions, as Chief of State, here. Literally: What will it take to satisfy Putin?
But his success, where is it?

1. When will the death toll from the nations and the appalling legacy of atrocities from its invasion of neighboring Ukraine, provoke a state of satiation in Putin?
A state of affairs that is not unusual with regards to Russia’s appetite in invading it’s neighbours?
2. Could the West be taking a different course of action so as not to aggravate Russia?

1. Putin is not averse to cracking eggs. His own or the Ukrainians. In recent weeks it has become evident that his own may be cracked if he does not bring the ‘Special Operation’ to a (successful) close. Other bloodthirsty chefs with an equally insatiable appetite for success are drafting recipes (and wings of loyalists of their own) and are hot on his cloven heels.

BUT! Ukraine is winning and has the backing of the (fully armed) Western World) won’t that mean Russia sooner or later has to retreat and deal with purling a narrative in retrospect to satisfy it’s citizens?

NO. Not necessarily. Putin could still pull the Nuclear wildcard.
If your decisions are driven by the desires beyond logic and you have the means at your disposal?
No argument in the Western World could convince Putin to withdraw.

It’s a table service no-one thought to model. Or perhaps one would have better secured Uranium shipments and placed better weight on diplomacy with rogue nations:


2. This is not about aggravation. The Good Guys vs the Bad. This is about how to have reform with revolution and the accompanying legacy of atrocities. This is not a war of Russia vs Ukraine.
Putin wants something from the West. He tried to get it thorough a War of Economic Attrition.
By invading Ukraine and blocking the Ports he banked on Western resolve failing and suffering a loss of appetite long before he did.
It didn’t work. Putin is still committed.
We are now the aggressor for not leaving the table before the macabre Server.
It is winter. There is only one way to level the playing field in terms of troop numbers.
We should fear what is coming.

Perhaps this time we can perhaps learn from history. Reform the UN so as not to be held hostage by Russia or China. Learn Many would demand a softening to U.S. hegemony.

But this success, where is it?
Quoted in REVEL IN FIN DU siècle DES OMBRES,( P 246) (Jean Francois Revel.

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Constant vigilance is part of caring for someone with Opioid Use Disorder. Death can steal a loved one away without argument, like a force of nature, in the same manner a frost settles and kills off susceptible plantings. Also like frost in winter, relapse and death is a possibility in certain ‘Seasons’ or the emotional ups and downs of life.
Stress is like Winter to an addict. I know of three high functioning adults in the past two years, who were special to me for different reasons, who relapsed and died from substance use disorder. One use. One time.
“L’ange de la mort est venu les geler”:
Snow Angel

The Angel of Death came to Freeze them.
Opioid Use Disorder or OUD is eventually incompatible with life because the drug is both so compelling as a binder to the receptors in the central nervous system, and the ‘signal’ is so strong it overrides the autonomic nervous system. This is how fentanyl and other opioids kill:

“When a person dies from heroin or OxyContin, there’s not a direct line from the drug to a stopped heart. An opioid overdose is sneakier and slower-moving. It begins by lulling the lungs into cozy submission-the hijacked opioid receptors cause a rush of pleasure that turns into respiratory distress. The lungs sleep so hard that, as the airways constrict, the person literally forgets to breathe.
Death lingers first over the fingers and lips; they turn limp and blue. Gurgling noises dangerously sound like snoring but are actually death rattles. Once the oxygen starvation moves inward to vital organs like the heart and brain, a loved one or rescue worker has three to five precious minutes to jolt the receptors awake and reverse the over dose before brain damage occurs and then death.”
-Raising Lazarus by Beth Macy, 2022.

I got cut a break from caring from my oved one with OUD after I dropped my son off at the Residential Treatment center Phoenix Rising in Palm Desert. Leaving him safely nestled into the Coachella Valley in the Sonoran Desert. I drove back up the State of California reflecting on the deadly drug Fentanyl.
How did our son start using a drug that can kill?
In short: He was not armed with enough knowledge of either the beneficial or detrimental effects of drugs. After his initial use and any adverse effects; his encounters with the medical profession entrenched his dependence on illegal drugs and heightened the feelings of shame and desperation.

Our son will have tried the controlled drug Oxycontin (Another opioid) sometime in his Junior or Senior Year at High School. He was always curious. I am well aware of when he started experimenting with pot. I would tease him and tell him not to be a doofhead and toke in his bathroom as it vented to the corridor.
It was not good that my son tried marijuana, as it led to a scary episode of poor mental health. Yet at the same time it may be the only drug that has an extract or controlled derivative that calms his racing thoughts and allows him to sleep. I remark in this fashion as all drugs have effects both positive and negative:

A Brief history of Good Vs Bad Drugs
All the cannabis species with psychoactive properties have the potential to be as useful to mankind as any drug produced artificially by any pharmaceutical company.
Indeed it is due to the Harrison Narcotics Act of 1914 that we discern between ‘good’ pharmaceutical grade drugs and bad drugs in the first place. Any drug the taxman couldn’t tax henceforth became immoral. “The Harrison Act was a United States federal law that regulated and taxed the production, importation, and distribution of opiates and coca products.” 
Before the Act, communities were using opium and coca products with impunity along with alcohol and tobacco and:

After That:
After that, drugs were split into two camps: Those that were Good and Taxed and those that were Amoral and Underground. Eventually along came the War on Drugs. Nixon and Reagan pumped up their support base by casting drug users as America’s Number One Public Offenders. The moral tone was set by the (hilarious in hindsight) 1936 Movie Reefer Madness. Nixon and Reagan portrayed recreational drug users as being akin to abortionists and Communists. I think we can all agree on the Communism element, if you can tolerate this blog.
The War on Drugs also became a de-facto war on Black People and Young People and punitive sentences were set for drug crimes.
Bill Clinton was the worst offender in perpetrating this for political gain, in my view. The War on Drugs is used across the spectrum to buy votes.
THIS HERE is what is killing 100,000 Americans a year. Oh and did I mention in my last post? No-one cares;
Votes have been worth more than lives for the past century. Politics is killing our young. It doesn’t have to be that way. We, parents, aunts and uncles, Grandparents and veterans who have lost young ones just have to be more savvy about who and why we elect people to change the Drug and Medical Care Laws.
I mentioned in my last post some remedies to prevent more deaths. What do I mean? These are politically unpalatable remedies generally recommended by those working in the Harm Minimization field or those other exhausted parents like myself.

I will come back to other tools to defeat drug harm, but we must:
#1 Make legal small amounts of the illegal drug ( a very small percentage ) of the titrated up dose that the user was taking freely available as an alternative to illegal lethal street narcotics. When alcohol dependence is being addressed at home this is called tapering. Humans have been doing this for centuries. AA talks about doing this with “green”, recruits. I did it myself successfully when I ditched alcohol for a decade in my twenties. Individuals must be provided with the dignity to leave behind the drug of their choice and seek out community care and support free of institutionalized stigma and pressure. It is already done by professionals as psychiatrists take patients off high toxicity fentanyl onto Methadone or Suboxone via Oxycodone.
Drug replacement therapy (buprenorphine) or Suboxone must be made available freely to addicts at clinics. Drug and alcohol craving can be so strong. It can ONLY be defeated with drug replacement therapy. Buprenorphine is a partial opioid agonist, meaning that it binds to those same opioid receptors but activates them less strongly than full agonists do. People on Bupe or the long lasting version Sublocade don’t crave and they withstand life’s stressors better than with community support alone. There is still pushback in the Treatment industry against drug replacement therapy. It is seen as a moral failing to be an addict even by those treating us. We’re told to pray to the great cookie dispenser in the sky and try harder next time. Morals Assisted Treatment MUST change for US to STOP dying!

Remembering back to when this all got real as per my previous post: Driving down to Palm Desert my son started to get dope sick. We discussed how to manage this. When I say discussed, I mean there was a back and forth between an exhausted hypervigilant Mom and her dope sick, paranoid son. There was some fear about presenting to Accident And Emergency in San Jose.
So we tried an after hours clinic near Santa Cruz. It was a waste of FUCKING time doing the obligatory Covid test, as when I explained our situation to the intake person, they looked down their FUCKING noses at us and said. “Oh we don’t carry those drugs (buprenorphine and comfort meds that accompany the detox process) here.”
in every American suburb, Kids are dying. Stressed parents are dying. Veterans are dying. This is a fucking war, morons.
Your doctors are morons, for not advocating for a clientele in need. Your politicians are morons and your police and firemen are overworked and frightened. Traumatized and frightened. For us.
I was so tired. I had already been driving for six hours so tried to find a hotel. It was the next day I had had it confirmed that my son would have a bed in residential treatment for the first time.

I say, ‘the first time’. Because although Phoenix Rising Treatment Center in Palm Desert was a wonderful respite for my son and us as parents and our son’s primary caregivers , we have to be ever watchful. And we have had a time so far. as I will detail.
I mentioned the veterans affairs. I got distracted momentarily and took a trip to D.C. to witness the passing of the Pact ACT. And get a few good night’s sleep.

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