Housewife Essentials Archive

My first Grade son hopped into the car yesterday glowing. “Mom!” he said. I” got to fist bump a giant.” Briefly I pondered on the meaning of this. Did Jack escape the Fairytale? Did our esteemed principal take to yard duty on stilts at lunch recess?

Then it struck me. The SF Giants are back in town. They had a stunning victory in 2014 that cemented them as a baseball dynasty in the San Francisco Hall of Fame. They’re all heading back over for the 2015 season.

One of the Giants pitchers came to school to goof off with the children. Which explains my son’s excitement.

I’m excited too because this means my personal trainer is also back in town.

She travels with her husband who is a Giants coach. And  I desperately need her instruction to shift the lardy lumps that have settled in odd places around my body after Chistmas, the New Year and the slob fest that was Super Bowel Sunday. I mean Super Bowl Sunday. It was actually both. I ate far too much.

I would describe myself as slim. Slim but curvy. ¬†That sounds better than Slim But With Cankles and handles. Lardy ankles? It’s the area I am prone to putting on weight. I remember the comments I got when I was pregnant with number one: “Monique! Your calves are the same size as your ankles!” I would wearily reply. “Yes I am aware of this. My ankles actually have a separate heartbeat.” “No seriously.” ¬†And my obstetrician amuses himself by putting the blood pressure cuff around my ankles to take a measurement.” At this point I would realize that laughter not sympathy was forthcoming. And as payback ¬†I would turn the conversation to ¬†hemorrhoids.

Spring is when¬†I invest some time into getting into shape. You know, because Valentines Day is coming up. The next major celebration that revolves around eating. Followed by St Patrick’s Day. Easter. 4th July! And then after three months of eating over Summer we’re in sniffing distance of what is called the Festive Season! When is it not the festive season here?

A note here. If America’s foes truly wanted to bring the economic powerhouse to it’s knees, they’d realise war is futile. In fact war is so 1994. Instead ¬†they’d engineer a reverse takeover of the Celebrations industry. ¬†Shut it down and watch America slowly grind to a halt.

I love it.¬†I exercise to eat. And the other thing I do at this time of the year is refresh my jewelry. It’s far more satisfying to forget about¬†my fat ankles and decorate my wrists and my Earlobes! ¬†With the help of my Stella and Dot consultant and Spring Fairy ¬†Tammy B! With Tammy’s help I will go to the ball!

Or at least the March school auction and major fund raiser of the year. My Stella and Dot purchases have just arrived and I am thrilled. The following are my favorite pieces and purchases from the Spring Collection:

Rebel Drop Earrings:

These medium weight earrings are the perfect mix of edgy and delicate

Edgy meets delicate and what suburban Mom doesn't  like to sport a bit of Rebel!

My alternate ear wear for Spring. The Orbit Hoop set.

Orbit Hoops Gold jpeg

A set of small hoops, a set of large hoops with interchangeable spike drops. A total of four unique looks.

I believe I have my earlobes sorted for Spring.

Order through Tammy of Stella and Dot here: Tammy B Sring Fairy¬†You can chat with her online and she’ll give you excellent styling advice. Mention Enlightened Housewife for hidden special offers.

Next post my wrists get a little attention. Tomorrow is a very special day. Our twins turn four and it’s Valentines Day!










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Housewife essentials

You can Photoshop ¬†figures. You can highlight cheekbones. It’s relatively easy to remove skin blemishes from photos but it’s impossible¬†to Photoshop in the dewy glow of healthy skin.

Kim Kardashian exemplifies this quality. No matter the situation she is perfectly poised and exudes youth and beauty.

Kim¬†is something else. You’d never know if anything was amiss despite the best attempts of the paparazzi to shake her poise.

What a professional. You’d never now if her panties¬†were riding up or if William Shatner was copping a quick feel¬†on the red carpet.

Kim and I have just one thing in common. We have the same dermatologist.

This is all part of my quest to see how far into the realms of Hollywood fantasy a small-town Kiwi girl can stray. That’s me. My Quest.

Back to the glowing facial skin.

Kim credits her glowing skin to the ministrations of Hollywood dermatologist  Dr Harold Lancer. I read about Dr Lancer in Vogue magazine two years ago and rang to see if I could get on his roster. When I first visited Dr Lancer in Los Angeles, I was struck by his holistic and honest approach to skincare.

He won’t advise¬†Botox or lasers¬†on your first visit. You get a combination of honesty, sensible diet advice and a tailored ¬†prescription of his products.

We’re in LA in early December 2014 so I book into his clinic on Rodeo Drive. I take an early appointment, 7.00 am, on a Tuesday so I’ll have plenty of time to rejoin my family for a day in¬†Universal Studios.

That’s right folks! 7.00am! This is Hollywood!


The place is humming before most normal folks have stepped out of the shower.

I set out from the Hilton Universal at 6.15 am. This should allow me to make the trip across town in good time.

Hitting the 101 South I slap my chin upside with my palm. I should have left earlier. Traffic is bumper to bumper. and it’s only ¬†6.30am . I turnoff¬†onto Highland Ave and pass¬†Hollywood Bowl.¬†Even this early the Bowl is a bustling hive of activity.

Fountain Ave is horrible. Santa Monica Blvd is no better. I ¬†scoot in behind Dr Lancer’s Rodeo Drive clinic an hour late.

His valets welcome me, “Hello Senorita!” Despite the stress of running late I smile. I hustle into the elevator with a spring in my step. There is nothing like being called, “Senorita,” before breakfast to¬†enhance one’s mood.

I don’t need to worry about being late. We’re all seen in order of arrival from the time the clinic opens at 5.30 am. I have plenty of time to chill out in the waiting room. The design is clean and modern. The purple asymmetrical seats are incredibly comfortable and relaxing. ¬†I watch TV. A patient walks off the pre-recorded TV segment ¬†and into the waiting room. That’s usual. A lot of patients are visiting Dr Lancer to calm stressed skin prior to or post appearing on cable. We both get called into our respective rooms fifteen minutes later. I get a microdermabrasion¬†whilst I wait for Dr Lancer. I’d never had one until my first visit with Dr Lancer but now the treatment is no longer a novelty.

I browse his book, “Younger”, in between treatments.

Younger Dr Harold Lancer. MD

Dr Harold Lancer. MD

Dr Lancer’s interest in skin care began with a childhood incident where he fell in a vat of boiling water on a farm. The horrific burns took months to heal and he was left with only a few small marks on his body. This experience sparked a life long fascination with the self regenerative power of skin. Lancer and a team of specialists developed a line of skincare.¬†The core premise of the Lancer method is that you polish or exfoliate first. Daily. Then you cleanse to pick up the debris of dislodged skin cells. Afterwards you nourish with a mist followed by the appropriate cream for your skin type.

After the microdermabrasion I cleanse my skin and one of the aestheticians applies dry ice as a skin calmer.

Dr Lancer visits another patient. and I’m asked if I will go through to show her my results. She is familiar but I don’t lock it down. We’re both anonymous patients.

” You have beautiful skin she exclaims!”

That’s gratifying. I’ll remember that when I’m a blotchy faced hag, strung out on caffeine and exhausted from shuttling five kids¬†around San Francisco.

I pick up my prescription from reception. Some are medically prescribed and some can be bought off the shelf at Nordstom.

He’s got a less than phony¬†bedside manner has Dr Lancer and is nothing if not a perfectionist.

Like any successful business person he can be polarizing. Some of the reviews on Yelp are a crack-up. Personally I’m¬†convinced he has the best interests of his patients at heart and I suspect his staff are his devoted fans. I gracefully accept the gentle admonishment that I should visit his clinic more often¬†and hustle back to Universal Studios for a theme park hopping day.


Visit Dr Lancer’s website here. ¬†








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Today I flew through Toys R Us and picked up some items from Heidi Klum’s children’s range: Truly Scrumptious:

Exclusive to Toys R US,; the clothing range for infants and children  was launched last August:
Today’s Essential Housewife purchases:

Truly Scrumptious pants and jacket.

Truly Scrumptious pants and jacket. Size 24 Months


My 2 yr old daughter Kaylee is a Girly Girl. Here she is, playing with a ball of wool:




The Truly Scrumptious range passes our requirements for move-ability and fun.

Scrumptious Kaylee

Scrumptious Kaylee

Thank you Heidi Klum. Your range is Essential for Housewives with children.

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