breasts Archive

Tomorrow we are driving to Los Angeles. Anaheim to be exact.
My idea of hell is an eternal theme park that you are forced to experience as an adult. However I trust that seeing Disney through the eyes of children will put some sparkle in the visit for us adults.
And there are certain libations that can make the unendurable more tolerable.
Unfortunately I must avoid coffee for a year less I turn my spangley new braces an off-putting curry colour. Curry is another discoloring substance that I must avoid. So it may be shopping or sightseeing of which I partake:
A recent nanny told me what to expect in LA and the attractions to attend or avoid, She is well acquainted with La-la land. One of her last gigs n LA was nannying for Prince Michael Junior (Prince), Paris and Prince Michael II (Blanket) Jackson.
She said the Dad was lovely. Doted on his children.
The children couldn’t of course, go to a normal school so they spent a lot of time at activities and various LA attractions. I got the insiders lowdown from her on the best theme parks.
 Goody.
On my time off, I’m going to Rodeo Drive. To visit dermatologist to the stars,  Harold Lancer.

Why? Ever since I was poring over my mother’s 1960’s beauty handbooks at the age of thirteen , I have been an avid follower of skin care trends.I’ve got nice skin which makes up for only sometimes having breasts.
And, I’ve got a benign but ‘Wicked Step-Motherish’, lump on my face and some age spots I want to get rid of. You naturally want to put that shit only in the hands of the best.
It also gives me a kick to have the same dermatologist as Oprah, Ryan Seacrest and Beyonce. It’s a long way from my birthplace in Taranaki, New Zealand to sharing the same waiting room as the stars of Hollywood

 Julia Roberts. Gives good face.
(Nice teeth). 

So here I come, Dr Lancer, oh ye with the dewy glow and the uncanny resemblance  to The Muppet’s Swedish Chef:

Just don’t expect me to be talked into your signature  stem cell facial ($600) on my first visit.
Though, a treatment with the stem cells from the umbilical cords of newborn calves does sound rejuvenating.
And supplying calf placentas sounds like a great business venture for someone in Taranaki,
Birthplace of some of the best cows.