Manic Monday

It’s 3am. I’m awake. Call it insomnia or call it a result of my Sunday night consumption. We had dinner at our Country Club after swinging golf clubs on the driving range for a couple of hours. I took one for the team and in the immortal words of Ed Sheeran: I drank fast and then talked slow”. (The Shape of You, Ed Sheeran.)

In taking one for the team, I determinedly set about drinking more than is responsible both as a functioning member of society and in obligation to keeping my body in peak condition. I did this because we had a big week. It was an Every Nighter.  Every night we had a social obligation. And as everybody who is anybody in our neighborhood knows, you cannot attend these kind of events and not drink. I rolled into my son’s best friends birthday party Tuesday and Bestie’s Mom sidles up to me and says: “Would you like a shot of Tequila?” Bestie’s Dad cruises my way within seconds and asks: “Would you like a shot of Tequila?” 🙂

So the kids played and had fun in their world and Bestie’s Dad and I set about making short work of the first bottle of Tequila. Thank you Mexico! for taking your distillations to the world!! Tequila is wonderful stuff if you know how to handle yourself. It has a relaxing efefct in moderate quantities like no other alcoholic beverage. It has a sting in it’s tail though if you over consume. The sting of the Paranoia Juice. You can easily spend the next day gazing from bloodshot eyes wondering if everybody can read your mind and know what a dick you are 🙂

So anyway. I’m at the Club Sunday night after a big week . The other trigger was the golf staff telling our kids to be quieter and tuck their shirts in! I know right. How Anal. Eventually we’ll all be old Shirt-tuckers and Killjoys but I hope when that day comes I remember what it’s like to be a young kid or young at heart and keep my beak out of other parents business and keep it  in my Whisky Sour where it belongs.

So I exact my revenge by getting loud and demolishing Margaritas. I yak it up with one of the other golfing Dad’s until I’m told I’m too loud by my Au Pair Markus and I finish up and slink home behind my judgey, judgey husband and new Au Pair, Markus from Hamburg. They are both experts at judging me and my fickle behavior! I’m fine with that. Whatever rolls their wheels.

So I’m in bed by 9pm. Everybody else settles in to watch a kids movie. Thank fuck I’m out for the count. I do not relinquish my will to watch kids movies easily. It’s a special kind of torture if you get a bad kids movie. I call it the Simba effect.

I’m just kidding. One of my favourite movies is Secret Life of Pets.

I had five hours sleep and overlapped with hubby going to bed at 1am. just checked in with my oldest son Ozy at 3am. He’s gaming. He asks for food. I tell him I will fix him something if he promises not to judge me. I’m rewarded with a big grin! I explain to him that our new Au Pair Markus is a similar personality type to my husband and they are both keen to ensure I keep my Flaky Writer shit together.

Oh yeah! We have a new Au Pair. Philip from the village in Northern Germany went to a new family in Chicago. We are now hosting Markus from Hamburg! He’s awesome. And hot. My Cougar Mom friends informed me of his hotness factor! Thankfully. Being a busy Mom of five kids I may not have noticed without their input!

Philip was a good driver, companion in the household and we used to dicker around commenting on the crazy busy American Starbucks, lifestyle. Markus is an entirely different character! He’s settled himself in and counts himself as a fully fledged adult member of the household with all the God given rights to hang with hubby and drink beer until all hours! I’m totally jealous. My husband and my Au Pair  get along so well! We recently visited Tahoe.

Hubby Derek gave him time off for two hours to ski all the slopes at Diamond Peak. Hubby took two hours to ski alongside. And I got two hours to sit at the lodge bar and drink. We’re all happy with this scenario!

I’d have ski’d more, but as you know I’m recovering from a devastating stroke  which caused complete paralysis in my early thirties. I’m stoked I have met my personal goal of donning Ski Boots (Men are hot in ski boots!) and approaching the gentle slopes of Diamond Peak ski resort.


The view from the top of Diamond Peak @Incline

Hubby is full of himself as usual!

My happy husband skiing Diamond Peak

Never get taught to ski by your beloved. Derek tried and I wiped out five times in melting ice. Then I had a session with a female instructor and wedged down the slopes quite comfortably.

Did I mention I used to be a cripple! Officially no longer! Well. I still limp but I’m sexy as fuck. Why do I make such a blanket statement? It’s a combination of how you perceive yourself and, dare I say it, working out. Fuck those cripple stereotypes! All is well in the world if you have one Number 1 fan. #1 Why not cover it off by being your own #1 Fan.

Happy Monday peeps! The unobtainable is obtainable! Excepting my Hot au pair Markus from Hamburg!






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