Today started pleasantly enough. I wake before everyone else and managed to meet my own needs.
Ideally this would be exercise and a shower.
Today it is a hasty coffee before removing Lego from my foot.
A Lego Mini-figure helmet if I am correct. Layers of skin have closed over the offending object. I pry it loose.
Then, all hell breaks loose. The children wake.
Rush hour commences. I organize lunches and sign off homework for all here in our Training Ground for Life.
Discipline is meted out as required:
“Stop Throwing Knives at each other”, I call to the twins as I pass by what I fondly call “The Nursery”.
It more accurately resembles a Menagerie.
A pen so filthy, all the animals have long since deserted in protest; leaving behind only the remnants of their last week’s meals.
A cheese knife whistles past my ear. I pluck it from the wall.
Then, unfazed, I retrieve a toddler’s shoes from the Lego Pit in the living roon.
Jabba the Hutt could live here and I wouldn’t know until I was trapdoored into the lair of the Rankor.
Removing a layer off filth from the living room floor, I continue to direct the proceedings:
“Put your shoes on”, I shout into the void.
I ready the lunch bags. Just three. My oldest two children have an account at the school cafeteria. The Cafeteria provides a hot lunch for less than $4.00 daily.
My three year old twins rattle past me while I am preoccupied and grab swords.
They fight enemies outdoors whilst I bundle my other three children into the car.
Morphing into OctoMommy I buckle children into our Chevy with one hand and wield a hairbrush with the other.
Mom! “Oh ****that hurt”, says the ten year old.
“Language”, I holler!
Quick to oblige, my ten year old turns and gives a language lesson to his younger siblings. This, complete with relevant gestures for the benefit of all present.
Mildly exasperated I disarm my Jedi twins and grab rain jackets.
We’re about to get three of the fifteen inches of rain we will receive all year.
I will shortly drop all my children to school by 8.am and call past Starbucks for the first of six inches of coffee I will receive all day.
