Barbie Schmarbie

Barbie will be behind the antics of many an anorexic 18 year old Booze Hag in our city centres on Saturday nights.

They totter around in their heels falling out of their tops. With smooth skin and layers of make up they are a combination of doe-like innocent meets Madonna. They portray the Virgin Mother /slut conundrum that has dogged women down through the ages ever since men invented religion to keep the power from 50% of the population.

I’m not saying men are bad and the pope is an ass. I am saying that we all have the inborn social desire to fit into archetypes, and due to being in an ongoing episode of Humanity Survival: ¬†men subjugated women with some fiction around The Jesus Chapters.
Smart move removing the rein of power from 50% of the population in one fell swoop.
Men can’t of course take all the blame. Women who find themselves with a bit of power tend then to entrench these social constructs. Men formulate ideas and women wind the rules around such establishments. There is nothing scarier than running the ‘”Cat Butt Face” gauntlet of middle aged women.

Such women gave their daughters Barbie dolls to play with but also expected them to be ‘good girls’, These days we also tell them from birth they should have a career and no kids before the age of 30. Girls can do anything donchaknow? A recipe for social disaster resulting in hoards of vomiting drunken women with none better than Streetwise Barbie to emulate.
And these new generations of woman are merely perpetuating the same tired old power archetypes.
I tossed my Barbie after coming too one day realising I was obsessed that she wasn’t as good as my friends Barbie and to make her ‘smoother’ I was about to give her the barbie equivalent of a cliterectomy with sandpaper. Of course I never discussed that with my friends, just as I never told my friends I liked their Barbies better.

Women are so dishonest. We don’t talk about inadequacy and envy and sex. There is much drivel around about how women are more likely to be comfortable with doctors and honest about our bodies because of smear tests. Rubbish. We never talk about our Ladyparts or joke like men do. Newer generations are starting to talk about sexual desire, thank goodness.

As I sit here and write this, an ad has just come on cable for Vagisil wash to take care of feminine odour. WTF? Talk about manufacturing a problem to sell a product. Does remind me of the old joke. look I won’t repeat it but it does give explicit directions on how to find Ladyparts based on smell and taste being likened to…… feathered and scaled species. If you know the joke you’ll never forget it . Maybe there is more than one joke. I do love a good laugh.

However the production of this product Vagisil gives me cause for despair. Musk is a component of many successful perfumes. It’s a smell you keep on going back for more, and so do the lads. Don’t waste your time using the equivalent of bleach on yourself. A nurse told me once that even soap is too harsh.

Practical tip of the day:
¬†If you have an odour, there is nothing wrong with you. One womans odour is another’s perfume base. ¬†If it bothers you there are several tried and proven remedies. Consider shaving your pubes. Some say Brazilians are anti-feminine and reminiscent of pre-pubescent girls. I think this is rubbish, no-one mistakes mens parts for pre pubescent boys. Get a mirror and get familiar with your undercarriage.
If you do shave you may have to unfold everything to remove rogue hairs that stab.

Too much sugar and alcohol accentuates scent. consider cutting down. Boring I know.

Barbie is a gateway drug for a life of submission and dishonesty.¬†If you have a fagina ¬†embrace it. try and give yourself oral. A physio assures me that women are more limber and therefore are more likely to achieve this goal. It may be an impossible “kissing your elbow” goal. ¬† In any case it will give you and your partner hours of entertainment.

Be kind to yourself and your fellow Barbies.
From a former Courtenay Place, inebriated, heel totterer Barbie wannabe

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